“The only possibility to live within the spirit of the living God is to accept the truth that we cannot resolve, we cannot fix, we cannot eliminate the imperfections of our life. If we could we would not need a Messiah. And so many people think “I’ll take on a spiritual life and then my life will be perfected.” No it won’t. You’ll just be busy with yourself...and that’s hell.”
-Father Gary Caster, Williams Catholic Chaplain, Jan. 2008
-Father Gary Caster, Williams Catholic Chaplain, Jan. 2008
I also wanted to comment more about Tolstoy's idea of "perfecting" oneself, (specifically one's morality). It seems an idea that starts off like a bucket full of holes. Person A, being imperfect, wants to make himself perfect, but really-- how? How is a finite being truly able to reach such an infinite standard without the aid of something, someone equally infinite-- God? Tolstoy does not look to God for help. Rather, he reasons that once he perfects himself, faith in God will come, a faith and understanding greater than that of the Russian Orthodox Church. But this seems more of a self-obsessive gesture-- its underlying purpose is to seek a reward-- an end to suffering. This leads us back to his short story, "The Death of Ivan Ilych," his first fictional work written after the "Confessions". What does Ivan Ilych want? "To live and not to suffer..."(294). It's a desire we all share, united by a connecting sympathy that makes pain, especially that suffered by innocents, resonate deep inside us. And as Ilych lies in bed, tormented by "his helplessness, his terrible loneliness, the cruelty of man, the cruelty of God, and the absence of God," he cannot help but ask "Why has Thou done all this?"-- what is the purpose of his suffering? I can only make sense of this through my experiences and those come solely out my life as a Catholic. It is difficult not to fall into thinking that God is a God of affliction, tormenting the short breath of the lives we have with an anguish and suffering He himself seems immune to. But really, it's more like we're joined with God in suffering-- how is He immune? He underwent the same agony as us-- the pain of suffering though innocent, of feeling abandoned-- "My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?" And though He possessed the power to "perfect" Himself, (Christ easily could have taken himself off of that cross), but instead, remitted that power to God, His Father... There is no such submission in Tolstoy. Instead, I feel that his own intellectual/spiritual struggles hardened, stiffened him in such a way, that if he were ever made to bow to anything, his back would snap.
Then, if human perfection is impossible on our own, why are we instructed to "be perfect like [God] is perfect?" I am not a theologian, so I cannot adequately address this question. But I do think it has something to do with one's ability to be humble, because love is ultimately self-sacrificial and humble. It's a simplistic answer, but the best I can do without increasing the risk of misspeaking...
“A spiritual life is a life lived listening. To listen, we cannot be distracted by our desire to be perfected...”
-Father Caster Jan.2007
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If you're curious about other places where Tolstoy takes the issue of human perfectibility on, you might think of reading the novella "The Kreutzer Sonata," and especially the afterword Tolstoy wrote to explain it. In the afterword, he directly addresses how Christ provides an example towards which we should strive, but how reaching the goal of a Christ-like life is ultimately impossible. Another story where this issue arise is "Father Sergei." And of course, much of the discussion arises directly out of Tolstoy's intense struggle to understand human sexuality!
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